Trump Soils The Stand

Today it's Ivanka

Donald Trump took the stand in his New York State civil lawsuit where he has already been found guilty of defrauding banks, insurance companies and the United States government. We needed a trial to figure that one out? I grew up in New York. Why didn’t they ask me? I could have saved everyone a lot of time and money.

Donald Trump continued to adamantly insist Mar A Lago was worth half a billion dollars and not the eighteen million he adamantly insists it’s worth each year when he has to pay taxes on it.

Trump testified that the trial was such a sham and a scam he couldn’t believe he and his own family weren’t in on it.

Trump spent four hours on the stand in a discursive testimony that jumped from topic to topic as he free associated. The Judge at one point admonished Trump, reminding him this wasn’t one of his political rallies. And Trump said, “I know it’s not a Trump rally-- because everyone here has a high school diploma and the place doesn’t smell like warm beer and bratwurst farts.”

At one point, Trump noticed the courtroom was at full capacity. He turned to the judge and said, “I got twice the crowd Son of Sam, David Berkowitz, drew.”

Trump boasted that lonely crazy women are already trying to be his prison pen pal and he hasn’t even been sentenced yet.

Trump wouldn’t shut up. It was the first court appearance in recorded history where the prosecutor begged the defendant to take the fifth.

Trump spotted New York State Attorney General, Leticia James, and snarled, “There are murderers in New York, but the attorney general is sitting here all day long.” Trump knows for a fact there are murderers in New York because he sold them all apartments at Trump Tower. Half that building is either Russian mobsters or Narco terrorists. And, those are the friendly neighbors who answer the door on Halloween.

After Trump raised his right hand and “swore to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me Trump,” he handed the judge a disclaimer that read, “Do your own research. Buyer beware. I’m warning you up front. Don’t believe a word you’re about to hear. It’s called the worthless clause, judge, that’s what we call it, so buyer beware.”

Trump said to the New York State attorney questioning him, "You and every other Democrat … coming after me from 15 different sides … all haters.” Trump hates haters. Because haters remind him of Blacks, Jews, Arabs, Hispanics, Lesbians, Drag Queens, Socialists, Marxists, the handicapped, the poor, the middle class and anyone who lives in a trailer park.

Trump said to Kevin Wallace, who was questioning him for the state of New York, "People don’t know how good a company I built because people like you are going around demeaning me.” Well, there’s a simple way to prove to the world how good a company you run Mr. Trump, and that would be by opening up your books. Oh, right. You can’t, because they’re cooked, and so are you.

Trump’s court appearance was chaotic, rambling and hostile. So, all in all it was a quiet business day in Trump World. Hey, any day is a good day when one of Trump’s followers doesn’t storm the courtroom and spread their own feces all over Lady Justice’s bare breasts.